Save yourself, princess

Growing up is never a well thought process. I have come a long way since my sweet 18, either by choice or because I had no other choice. As I am shamelessly describing myself as a strong, independent woman, that can solve problems, take care of myself, have a fruitful career, have few good friends and lots of acquaintances, eat healthy, run, socialize, have good humor and smile at the end of each day (you see, humble is not there), I acknowledge there are still a lot of unsolved dark moments put under the carpet and whispered amen to. 

You see, the truth is I have always hoped that someone will save me one day. Will save from my fears, will turn my tears into hope and will protect me from all the bad things in this world. This person obviously would have to guess my past journey and all these unspoken fears as I am also a highly ego driven woman on top of all the wonderful claimed characteristics mentioned above. 

With my little secret story here, I have persuaded myself in building a wall along many, many years; a wall so high that only the worthy ones would ever pass  beyond. To only come to see a vulnerable child, with fears and tears and hope for rescue. 

This is not the way son - my friend would tell me. You have the obligation to come in a relationship of any kind with the best version of you, with clean heart and treated bruises. It is painful and probably takes an awful amount of time but there is nobody saving you, princess. You have to dust yourself off, pick up the demons, cry a little, set the wall on fire and come clean. And then we talk about the strong, independent woman...

Work in progress, please refer to my sarcasm while I am gone...

This world is watching me...