I knew it, you knew it

I knew it from the first time I saw you, it was my inner voice telling me I was in trouble. I was clumsily finding my way into the room, I took my assigned seat, I looked left and there you were.
It was familiarity, like welcome home, darling, here's your wine. Damn it, son, I did not come here for this, I said to myself. I smiled politely, introduced myself, mumbled something and luckily the session started.

Fast forward 2 weeks later. You walk me to my car as I am leaving. We're both quiet and we're both in pain. No words are left. I know it, you know it. I barely manage my emotions and my voice is trembling as if I am 16 and the whole highschool is watching. Somebody wants to park in my spot so we need to cut it short. Here's the sign, Batman. Goodbye.

My heart is sinking as I look after you leaving. Why? Why now? I am whispering to myself. I am starting to drive slowly and cry heavily. And I am shouting all the things I wanted to tell you but did not have the courage. Whatever you feel, I feel it too. It feels crazy, consuming, liberating, exciting, mad, scary, furious, all at the same time. I don't know how it's possible, I never believed in this, it's wrong, it's impossible, it's damn late, but I still feel it. You made me laugh like no other, you listened to my insecurities, you disarmed my ego, you challenged my thinking, you fed my self worth, you made me reflect and you made me happy. Happiest I have been lately.
I craved for this feeling for a while. I craved to fall in love. Guess that when I made that resolution (2017 for 2018) I was not too specific on few terms and conditions.
Towards the end of the 3 hours drive, I am staring the cry slowly and drive speedily. It must be a lesson and I should learn from it. Neither love nor sorrow last...

The world is watching me...